Wow how time flys!!!

Well today is my baby girls birthday. 11 years ago today, she came into my world, and changed my life. She had to be taken a few weeks early because she had kidney problems. She was diagnosed with hydronaphrosis of the kidney. Basically her urator tube was not connected to her bladder. Long story short, she had two surgeries before she was a year old and is now 100% healthy. She has become such a great kid. She loves horses, loves to dance and is a great big sister. Even though she cried when I told her I was having a boy, she still loves him! She changed my life in so many ways, and I wouldnt change that for the world!!! Happy birthday kid, I love ya!!!

hmmmm

You know, I keep typing about how bad things are going for us. I keep wondering will it ever get better, and in all this I have forgotten to stop and think about the good things in my life. I have 2 great kids, yes sometimes I get stressed at them, but what parents dont? I have a husband that IS working his rear off, unfortunately because of past things, it just doesnt help us. I have a great family who is always there. A family that goes and does things together, supports each other. We are all healthy for the post part, which is a blessing in its self. My parents are older but they are doing great. Money is the root of all evil, and it makes us forget what good we have. I do appreciate that I have a great house for my kids to grow up in. I am thankful that I am living in the place I want to be. I know things will get better and everyone keeps saying God only gives you what you can handle, so apparently God knows I am stronger than what I am being right now. So it is time I suck it up and be that strong person God knows I am. I want everyone to stop and think about how blessed they are to have what they have. This is something I should have done long ago.

When will it ever end?

That is what I keep asking myself, when will it ever end? I know I am not the only one in the situation, but man give me a break! Hubby works his tail off as much as he can, he works construction, so pretty much enough said. It just seems like we cant get by. I am not being greedy, I dont think, I just want to be able to pay all my bills and be able to give my kids a little bit of a life. It seems like all I ever tell them is, I am so sorry but we dont have the money. You cant do this or that, because we dont have the money. I am sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to give my daughter a birthday. How I am going to go to the grocery store. It is bad when you have to choose electric or food. How do you choose that? I mean its not like choosing a new shirt over electric, I mean it is two things you have to have yet I have to make the choice which is more important. To make things worse, we are now 400 short a month thanks to a child that scoped out the way we live to use us and then go on down the road. It is a horrible feeling to know that a child could be so mean to his father, not care one bit about his father. But yet he will use him every chance he gets. Why is it that the harder we try to do what is right the worse we get screwed? Just once I would like things to go our way, and just be able to breath and not have to worry about how we are going to pay bills, buy food or anything normal. I just want to quit being screwed damnit!!!!!! I dont even have the peace of mind that one day everyone who has screwed us will get what they deserve, because things like that dont happen for me and my family. We just get screwed again, and worse. I was really hoping that 09 would be a better year for us, but right now is seems to only be worse, and it is only January.

I am sooo addicted!!!

Ok so I am soooo addicted to BHW...barrelhorseworld. It is a great website that I can ask for help with horses or humans.I have made several friends on there, most of whom I have never met and may never meet. But I think that is the fun in it. On another note, I rode this weekend, the first time since probably August. WOW that has been a long time. I miss getting to ride all the time. I have 2 kids that want to do their own thing, so I guess that is part of being a parent, giving up what I want for my kids. Although, I am hoping this summer to get to go a little more. The horse I have has been a god sent. He is great. I just wish I could get him out there for everyone else to see how great he is. My daughter rode for the first time since she broke her arm in July. I was so scared that she would be too scared to ride again. You see, she has been on a horse all her life, and this was the first time that she has ever really gotten hurt. I was afraid she could talk the talk but could she walk the walk, or trot the trot, whichever way you want to say it. She soooo proved me wrong. At one point while we were riding she say "mom look". I turn around and she is trotting around the arena with her arms straight out, giggling saying " look mom no hands!" Well there went the fear I thought she might have. But then again I was so relieved. I dont know what I would have done if she was scared and didnt want to ride again. I am just thankful it wasnt that. She cant wait to ride again, maybe this weekend. We will see.

2009...will it be any different?

Well 2009 is here. I brought in the new year with family, so I guess it is off to a good start. I am hoping this year will be better than last. So many things happened last year, and unfortunately not for the good. I am optimistic for this year. That is all I can be. Hope your new year brings happiness and is good to you.

Well its christmas time

Well it is that time of year, Christmas. My kids are super stoked, as they should be. But me, well not so much. There has just been so much go on financially that I am so glad I finished early. Not only did we have to fork out money that should never have been forked out, now we find out we have to start paying child support on Tim's son who wants nothing to do with us at this point. But anyhow, Christmas is a time to be with the family you love, the friends you love. So with that I am saying, to all my friends, new and old, and to my family, I hope everyone has a great Christmas and that the new year brings better for everyone than this year has been to us.

What money does to people

It never seases to amaze me what money does to people, or family for that fact. I have never seen family members hurt their own so much as I have in the past few years. There are members of my family that I am no longer in contact with, not because of money reasons, but other. And now, wow, now it is my hubby's family. One piece of advice i can offer is to NEVer go in business with family. All it does is cause problems. I am sick of the holier than thow people thinking they are so damned better than me when all they do are things that I cant see how they are "godly". Why is it that people like that are the first ones to screw someone? I am so sick of family treating us badly. At least we have what is left of my family and that is all I need!